English

Working nights is pretty strange, it take a rare bred of person to choose to function in the middle of the night, I know, I've done of for two years now, or very nearly. And, it takes a lot out of you, especially working 12 hours shifts as I do, that sometimes it's hard to understand just what the hell I'm doing! Last night was a classic example of night numbness, it got to about 4am and I had work to do, but, my mind just went completely blank, I had no knowledge of even the simplest of work functions, things that I've done thousands of times, their method just escaped me. For a few moments it was as if I were completely brain dead, the cursor blinked on the computer screen and I knew not what it was there for, nor how to make it move. Is this normal? Or is this another sign that I'm loosing my mind?

Poor Kelly's woes continue, pretty much as I was writing the last post about her and her internet boyfriend disappointments, the poor girl's pain increased, a horrendous bout of stomach pains forced her to seek medical attention and now she's in hospital after having an emergency appendectomy. Poor wee lamb, seems the broken heart has spread to other organs. Kelly, my thoughts are with you and I wish you a speedy recovery.

I used the second dose of Derbac M today, to rid myself of the crab's that my very own William left me with. God, I feel like a teenager, I mean having a sexually transmitted infection is not the sort of thing one expects when you get to my age. Oh and on that subject, I told one of the girls at work, Rach, and she thought it was most amusing and repeatedly dropped hints into conversations, with me and others if my little visitors! The cheeky bint! however, she's feeling a bit loved up at the moment, her new fella is making her heart flutter and her knees go week, which is refreshing to see. I wonder how long this one will last before she gives him the elbow? Mind you, this one has an unfeasibly large wanger, so she might have him stick around for a while, I thought she was walking a bit funny when she came into work tonight with a flush, yet glowing face!

Hurrah!!! Commonsense has won at last! The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

More soon!