Independence for Scotland
There is lots of talk in the media regarding Scottish
Independence, it’s true, you cant even turn around to tie up your shoe without
someone sticking a Scottish Independence comment up your arse. Referendum this
and referendum that, one question, two questions, 16 and 17 year olds to vote,
when to hold it, how many sugars the preceding officer has in his tea, who is
going to count the vote and all that, it
is a enough to drive you to drink, unless of course you’re Scottish because its
quite likely if you are, you’ve already had a drink!
That awfully bouncy Alex Salmond of the Scottish National
Party (clues in the name) wants an independent Scotland. The Jolly Toffs Party, by which I obviously
do me the ruling Conservative party don’t want an independent Scotland and a
break-up of the core part of the UK. Labour are not completely sure, but what
do you expect under simpering Ed Milibland’s leadership. As for the LibDem’s,
well who give two hoots what they want, nobody listens to them anymore
(including the coalition partners they are supposed to be in government with!)
I wish to level with you now, out in the open, and yes I’ve thought about
this, maybe not for long – there was wet paint to watch after all, but yes I’ve
given it a bit of thought and as an English person, I’m for it. I want Independence for Scotland, bring it on
I say and bring it on now. Stop all this
shilly-shallying
about when to hold the sodding referendum, hold it now, this year before the
summer, May, hold it in May, that’s always a good time for an
election. Let’s get it done and done
pretty damn sharpish.
I want Scottish Independence, now I know my cry, my non-aggressive, non-combatant
battle cry to give those northern souls them independence and freedom may sound a little odd, not least of all to my
Scottish friends, of which there are a few, so few in fact their number can be
counted on two fingers (I mean proper Scots, not those who once had an aunt who
had a fling with a caber tossing, haggis munching, kilt wearing lad from
Kilmarnock, called Jock) National stereotyping
much!
My friends will be saying,
‘ech, naahh Jasenn, you canny
believe thot’ but it is true, I’m all for an independent Scotland, if they want
it for themselves, of which the only way to find out is to knock on the door
and ask every single one of them, noooo,
I mean vote in a referendum.
If they vote in favour, I for one will be jumping for
joy, I’ll be glad to be rid of the
buggers, glad to see the back of them.to be honest.
However, there are some conditions which must be adhered to
for an independent Scotland.
1)
Buy back the national Royal Bank of Scotland
from the British Govt.
2)
Border wall to be built by the Polish along the
national divide with two border crossings, one in the east and one on the west.
3)
Border to be manned and passports required,
strictly enforced.
4)
BBC will be pulled out of any Scottish area, all
facilities sold off at commercial market rates.
5)
BBC transmitters will be switched off and
dismantled.
6)
All UK military bases, immediately withdrawn and
closed down, relocating to mainland England and Wales
7)
Immediate repayment of all current British Govt
funding.
8)
Immediate repayment of all current and former
(up to and including the previous ten years –((I really wanted this to
something like 50 years, but that’s just pushing it, 10 seems more fair))) of
all grants, loans, subsidies, funding, assistance, aid the British Govt has
made.
9)
The immediate payback of all the funding the NHS
has paid for the SHS in the last ten years.
10)
Immediate withdrawal of all haggis from English
shops.
11)
Scottish currency will cease to be legal tender
in the rest of the UK.
12)
The UK air traffic control centre will cease to
control any aircraft movements over Scotland.
13)
British embassies, consulates and other offices
overseas will cease to represent, assist or repatriate any Scottish national in
difficult abroad.
14)
The DVLA will cease to handle any Scottish
registered cars.
15)
Trade agreements that currently stop English
companies from competing head on with Scottish companies overseas, will be
scrapped.
16)
No Scottish athlete will be able to join the
British team.
17)
Nobody wearing a kilt will be allowed to cross
the border, unless they can prove a right to wear such a tartan and have
something under it (Yes I mean undies)
18)
Edinburgh Rock shall have the ‘rock’ part of its
name taken away because we all know rock is hard and crunchy and not soft,
powdery and crumbly.
19)
Scotland can have about 8 per cent of the UK
reserves.
20)
Scotland will have to pay about 8 per cent of
the UK national debt.
21)
North Sea oil and gas, split at the national
border divide. (Scotland to pay back a proportion of the British exploration
costs)
22)
I’m sure I’ve forgotten something.
23)
When I first thought of this post it seemed
rather fun, now it seems to have taken a less tongue in cheek feel and more a
wiggly fingers with thumb of same hand right on the nose and a nar nar nee nar
nar sound coming out.
I’m sure there is more, there has
to be, but I guess that’ll do for starters, so come on you Scots, take your independence, you do deserve
it, you should have it. Oh I say, Jason on a political rant….well I never did.
