Harry homeward bound

Cloud and rain have been the trademark of this day, but the weather has not spoilt my mood, I've been a happy soul today. It's been chilled and relaxing, I think mainly due to the fact that I finished work just a little after half one, more normal than the long nights I normally do and I feel a lot better for it. It's strange, even though I've had nothing much to do, I seem to have filled my time actively, caught up on my correspondence, done some ironing, re-ordered my underwear draw, watched a couple of movies, spoken to a couple of friends and remembered to order flowers for the old dear that is 'the mother' for mothers day on Sunday!

The main news of the day, apart from that little earthquake, which happened up north, so not really worth talking about, is Prince Harry! Prince Harry is to be pulled out "immediately" from Afghanistan after a news blackout on his deployment broke down, the Ministry of Defence confirmed today. The 23 year-old is 10 weeks into a 14-week tour but army chiefs have decided the risk is too great, amid fears the Taliban will step up attacks on British bases adding extra danger to our third in line to the throne and those around him.

"This decision has been taken primarily on the basis that the worldwide media coverage of Prince Harry in Afghanistan could impact on the security of those who are deployed there, as well as the risks to him as an individual soldier," said the MoD. I'm impressed that he went out there along with his troupe, it would have been so easy for a person in his position to wimp out of it and live the high life, but nope, apparently he demanded to go, to be part of the force. I'm kinda surprised that his location out there managed to keep out of the media for so long, especially in this media obsessed world of ours. However, I'm sure there will be many people not so impressed with the young princes appearance on the news tonight, saying he doesn't much like England!

Perhaps what is most surprising is that fact that it wasn't in the news, until the story was broken the Drudge Report website, we all know to never trust a jurno with a secret, yet so many of them did keep the knowledge of Harry's whereabouts a under wraps for months. Even at my age, some things still surprise me!

That superb actress Julie Walters has received her CBE from Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace. The award-winning star, who was made an OBE in 1999, later revealed the prince was a fan of the Harry Potter films, in which she plays Ron Weasley's mother. "The Prince said he loved the Potters and said what great films they were and what great fun they were," she said. Good for her I said ( out loud and on my own) when I heard the news, after all she is one of this countries greatest living actresses, take a look at just some of her appearances, Acorn Antiques, Educating Rita, Secrets & Lies, Calender Girls, Dinner Ladies. oh so good!

That's about it for today, no other revelations, no other gossip and I'm going to bed at a normal time, my god, this is good. Oh and yes David, they've gone, stop asking!!!

English

Working nights is pretty strange, it take a rare bred of person to choose to function in the middle of the night, I know, I've done of for two years now, or very nearly. And, it takes a lot out of you, especially working 12 hours shifts as I do, that sometimes it's hard to understand just what the hell I'm doing! Last night was a classic example of night numbness, it got to about 4am and I had work to do, but, my mind just went completely blank, I had no knowledge of even the simplest of work functions, things that I've done thousands of times, their method just escaped me. For a few moments it was as if I were completely brain dead, the cursor blinked on the computer screen and I knew not what it was there for, nor how to make it move. Is this normal? Or is this another sign that I'm loosing my mind?

Poor Kelly's woes continue, pretty much as I was writing the last post about her and her internet boyfriend disappointments, the poor girl's pain increased, a horrendous bout of stomach pains forced her to seek medical attention and now she's in hospital after having an emergency appendectomy. Poor wee lamb, seems the broken heart has spread to other organs. Kelly, my thoughts are with you and I wish you a speedy recovery.

I used the second dose of Derbac M today, to rid myself of the crab's that my very own William left me with. God, I feel like a teenager, I mean having a sexually transmitted infection is not the sort of thing one expects when you get to my age. Oh and on that subject, I told one of the girls at work, Rach, and she thought it was most amusing and repeatedly dropped hints into conversations, with me and others if my little visitors! The cheeky bint! however, she's feeling a bit loved up at the moment, her new fella is making her heart flutter and her knees go week, which is refreshing to see. I wonder how long this one will last before she gives him the elbow? Mind you, this one has an unfeasibly large wanger, so she might have him stick around for a while, I thought she was walking a bit funny when she came into work tonight with a flush, yet glowing face!

Hurrah!!! Commonsense has won at last! The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

More soon!

Lost minds & broken hearts

Sometimes I forget I'm my age! There are times, when I think I'm still that young, dumb, innocent 19 year old running around, enjoying everything that life throws at me with the wide-eyed wonder that youth has, seeing things through eyes for the very first time, everything new again. However there other's when I feel my age, painfully clearly, take yesterday for example. I woke with promise and joy, the weather was nice and bright and the sun almost blossomed in the sky, so I decided I would walk to the marina and pick up a new kettle, as mine inexplicably blew up the other day. So I picked up my backpack, keys, iPod and headed out the door, with a spring in my step and a song in my heart. I love my little iPod and I had the tunes blasting my lug holes as I trotted my way along Edward Street, up passed the hospital and through the upper reaches of Kemptown. It was then that I realised two things, A) I had odd socks on and B) My wallet was still on the computer desk. I laughed at myself, no honestly I did, out loud, much to the dismay of the OAP that happened to be walking passed at the time. So I turned round, and walked all the way back home again, this time along Upper St James Street. I collected my wallet and dropped off my bag and headed back out, this time I went in the complete opposite direction of ASDA and the Marina, it was only when I'd crossed the Old Stein that I remembered that I was out to actually get a kettle! I laughed out loud again, I walked through the Lanes, their little alleys, odd squares and wonderful shops make me grateful for living in a place such as this. I came out up by Churchill Square, had a look in the shops and wondered what on earth I was doing out! 'Oh Yes' I thought as I perused the cookie counter at Millie's, 'Kettle' my mind screamed at me, so it being the week before pay day and funds not in abundance, I popped into Woolies, hoping to find a good but non expensive water boiler.

So finally after two and a bit hours out, I did return home with my purchases, yes, I did get the kettle, bargain in Woolies as it happens, just a fiver! I also returned home with 100 tea light candles, a tin of chocolate orange segments, and after a detour to Boots, a bottle of Derbac M, because my lil closeted apprentice, flower giver has given me more than blooms, he's also given me a dose of crabs!

It's my age, I said to myself as I rested the aching bones on the sofa, I think I'm losing my mind, it's not just the forgetting of things, such as the wallet and where I'm going and what I'm out for. No, it's also the talking and laughing to myself out loud, indeed that's the most worrisome part of it, I hardly notice I'm doing it, I wonder what else I've said out loud and not noticed? I pointed this fact out to Jake on the phone last night and my concerns of loosing my mind, he was bluntly reassuring "Honey, yes you do talk to yourself, and don't worry about loosing your mind, you've already lost it!"

I'm lucky, my life brings me in touch with many people, all of different ages, backgrounds and situations, I want to tell you the story of Kelly, that's presented itself today.

Kelly, is a bright and enthusiastic, full of life 18 year old local girl, always so happy with her lot, always displaying the sunny disposition that makes her popular amongst her peers, the life and soul of a party you might say. Plus she is very good looking, no indeed she is, she has a face that would not look out of place in the glossy magazines, further more, she'd outshine so many of those nameless faces, but that's not the point, just background information. Unusually for her, she logged on to a social networking and web cam chat site late on a bored and lonely weekend night a few weeks back. She says there were the usual wasters or social misfits on their that you really wouldn't want re-heeling you shoes let alone chat to you. Yet there was one young man, one shining light that was different, in Kelly's words, 'one shining prince amongst the dregs of humanity' She got chatting to him on that website with questionably morals and they then swapped MSN addresses and chatted on there.

This lad, the same age as her, a student at university, just as she, good looking apparently and charming and interesting. In Kelly's mind there was a spark, like a light switch being turned on for the very first time, illuminating a whole new spectrum of emotions. This boy, another William, had a web cam and he would often go on it for Kelly, Kelly herself, following a curious incident with a bottle of fig vodka, an open window and a neighbours stray cat was minus camera facilities, yet this didn't seem to bother William, no indeed he even looked and found one for her on eBay for the knock down price of a penny plus postage and packing.

Over the passing days and nights, they swapped mobile numbers and they swamped each other with texts, the way the young seem to do, it's as if the art of conversation is dieing out and being replaced by the non verbal communication of fingers on keys, mobiles, blackberries, MSN and the like. Anyway, Kelly planned a surprise visit, she purchased a train ticket, as well as some, shall we say, intimate gifts and items to ensure their real life meeting would be just as explosive and passionate as their net meetings. However, he'd been out the night before her early start to go to him, they live a fair distance from each other you understand, yet she was prepared to go all that way and meet him, after all, he was perfect, cute, funny, entertaining, chatty and as into her as she was into him. He bombed her with texts in the middle of the night and one thing lead to another and she didn't take the early morning train and her weekend was left tattered and broken, he said sorry, she forgave him and their net relationship continued and day by day her passion grew to unfathomable lengths.

Kelly is not naive, not totally inexperienced, she's had boyfriends in the past, indeed, she's never short of male attention, yet this time there was something different. 'It was as if he had a magic touch to reach inside me and make me feel things I've never felt before' she says with cloudy emotion stinging her soft and now sorrowful eyes. Kelly, had it's fair to say, fallen in love, head over heals, hock line and sinker, 101% prime time in love with William, and he seemed to be the same. He told her as much in countless texts, on MSN and showed her on cam. It was, the most passionate and powerful not to mention intense relationship, desire, want, emotion that she'd ever have. There were a few times where she even thought about just going up there, not just for the day or the weekend, but dropping everything back here in Brighton and heading to where William was studying.

Just last week, she had started to make plans, to go up on Thursday this week to see the object of her desire, arranging things with her friends and someone to take notes for the classes she would miss. Now Kelly is a pretty level headed girl, she was going to see how things went, before making any big or rash decisions, but she knew she wanted to be with him, not just for the physical side of things but also the emotional as well, to get to know the person that had turned her whole world upside down. The person, whom even the mere thought of his name made her stomach turn cartwheels and her heart to pound like never before.

As I'm sure your expecting now, things in real life never turn out the way of dreams, they way we wish things to be very rarely happens, if ever in reality. After their nightly MSN chat and they said there sweet goodbyes and proclamations of their feelings, it was bed time. A few minutes after setting her music player to plays some soothing sounds for her to drift off to, she had a text from a girlfriend. "You gotta see this cutie on ((the website on which she'd met William)) he's a dish" Kelly replied that she wasn't really interested, in her mind she had her man and wanted nothing else. Her friend replied "He's going on MSN, here's his addy -" The MSN address that she read in disbelief was that of her own, very dear William. Tears stung her eyes and her body went numb, she got her friend to do a screen capture and send it to her and her worst fears were realised and the picture she received. Yes, there was her William, on the net, performing for other girls and inviting other girls to chat and more with him on MSN. Kelly's world shattered, her dreams, her hopes, her desires, her future destroyed in an instant. She text William immediately, his replies were cross and aggressive and told her he was sleeping in bed, the reality was clearly different.

Seeing Kelly this upset over a boy she'd never actually physically met is a hard task to do, how can one explain to her that she'll get over it, that at least it's better now then had she gone and met him. That her feelings of loss, of disappointment, of broken trust, of misery are nothing just because she met him online. You can't, because they are not, they are as real to her now as if he'd been the boy she met in the park, or at the club. The world is getting a smaller place, we as a human race are spending more and more time online, we're reaching out as never before, in ways that would never have seemed possible even a few years back. A consequence of this technological advance is that hearts are going to get broken over the net, just as Kelly's is now. Just because it's through a broadband connection, doesn't soften the blow, heal the heartache or dry the tears, save a lonely girl from the devastation of a broken heart. This may be the first time Kelly has suffered such pain and an old cynic like me, might venture that it almost certainly wont be the last, but that doesn't take away the rawness of the emotion. And, do you really get over something like this? Does it not stay with you, for a long time to come, perhaps life? Do we every truly forget the pains of the past, the troubles of our teenage years? Do I not sit here, right now and regret letting 'CapBoy' slip through my fingers? Of course the pain will subside in time, life, however seemingly improbable to Kelly right now, will go on, she'll find happiness again, yet this loss of what was and what might have been will stay with her forever. And that's a hard cross to bare, I only hope that her William, understands and appreciates the full cost and consequences his actions have caused. The cruel irony of life of this tale is the web cam on which she wanted to please her William, arrived today, along with her heart brake. How to mend a broken heart!

The music playing in my mind, Let's talk about it in the morning, Martyn Joseph.

Freelance life for sale or hire!

Without much of a doubt, a long time has passed since my fingers caressed the keys to create any update here, or anywhere else on the net. I've had my reasons, time management issues, connectivity disruptions, newsworthy disturbance, mood status imbalance all play there part so one should not subscribe all the blame to one individual aspect or excuse! It's done, it's gone and now I'm back, so sorry, apologies and all that, but hey the future is at my fingertips once again, so come with me and enjoy the ride.

So what has been happening in the world since we last shared the same atom of web space and time? Well, the world of book publication is set to change with the introduction of the eBook, an electronic version of the old trusty paperback, it looks sleek in the designs I've seen on the net and I want one, if only purely for the pose and novelty factors. Kosovo has claimed Independence. A batlike spy plane crashed in Guam. Northern Rock has been taken over by the state. Earth number two is waiting to be born and is currently in deep freeze, Titan the moon of Saturn looks likely to be then next place in our solar system for new life to emerge according to scientists, it's going to take time, so I'm not booking my flight there just yet. Solitary great white sharks are no believed to have the equivalent of an annual coffee morning, deep under the sea in their thousands. Researchers for the AAAS have found that these wonderful creatures of the deep congregate in vast numbers, at least once a year. The 'white' black man Barack Obama seems to be beating Clinton in the US primary elections in a system that I do not understand, no matter how many times it's explained to me. The new Bedouin are taking over, but this is not a tribe in some far reaches of Africa, nope this is the new breed of nomadic persons who have a temporary office in pretty much any Starbucks or coffee shop in the world, thanks to light laptops and WiFi and the constant stream of lattes and muffins. Longtime favorite of long bored afternoon's and family arguments, Monopoly - the game, is set to become a new Ridley Scott film. Castro has decided to slip out of control of Cuba, which could spoil the island forever. Just think, an end to the communist regime there would open up the land of rum and cigars to all those American tourists - how ghastly! Keegan's in charge of Newcastle, I wonder how long that will last for, a year at the most is my best guess. Peter Schiff's face has finally be revealed more than 60 years after the school boy captivated the heart of teenage diarist Anne Frank, and yes he looks cute, if perhaps a little gay! A punter that placed a 50p on 8 horses, the first of which was called 'Isn't That Lucky' and the last named 'A Dream Come True' beat the odds of two million to one to scoop the first betting shop million pound pay out, well not quite, he still hasn't picked up his winnings! After research costing more than 500 grand, it's been revealed that young women between the ages of 16 and 24 drink far too much - no shit Sherlock, a look around any big town on a Saturday night could have told you that for the price of a bus fare! A Turkey is going to represent Ireland at the Eurovision song contest. Apparently depression makes you stronger - funny I should feel like a gladiator right now then! Richard Dearlove has told the Diana inquest that in over 38 years he's never seen a licence to kill granted at MI6, what a disappointment. American kids may be going to school for longer and longer periods of time, yet they still learn very little, which is why less that 23% could tell you where in the World you'd find Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia or Israel! And, I guess that brings us nicely to the end of my world news update, which I'm sure has entertained you so much that, if you've actually read this far, you're just a sparrow's step away from a comatose vegative state!

Now then, what's been happening in the smaller boundaries and rather less intimidating sphere of this planet that is my world? Well, Jakey has been round several times and has not had much to shout about. He and his student house mate have called a halt to their rampant bedroom antics, mainly because one of their other house mates caught them at it over the kitchen table and the poor girl freaked at the sight! So, they have decided that they should stop getting jiggy with it in the house and really the only thing that had in common was being young, dumb and full of cum!

David and his drag queen fella are in the throws of what seems to be a messy break up, he's spent the night with me a few nights ago, David that is, not the drag queen, you understand. I don't really like him very much, he's not a nice person. You know how on stage drag queens can sometimes be vicious and sarcastic to the point of pain, well he's like that even when he's off stage. Indeed, I've never heard him say a good word about anyone or anything, well apart from blue sequins that is. So I've played the dutiful agony uncle friend, the shoulder to cry on, the escape from the storm. And, I'm so proud of myself, not once did I say to David, 'I told you so' and rub his nose in the fact that I thought him and the drag queen were from the very start destined to the dumpster of relationships. Not once did those words escape from my lips, even though it was hard to keep them in at times, but hey, to be a friend, sometimes you just have to keep ya mouth shut.

I've had the occasional text or message from Angus, but no long conversations, no massive and monumental pub crawls, no nights of cinematic pleasure. Well, he's got his BLAGS, his diving and his fella the Robster, so I'm guessing things are still all happy and jolly over there in coupledom!

James, the Scottish one from the land of Scott is coming down next month, which will be nice and am sure he needs the break, the chance to experience again the ways of the south! I must give him a call this week to discuss the timetable, the scheduling of meetings and arrangements. I'm sure it will be fun and a vast amount of alcoholic beverages consumed.

Rach from work has been going through a funny spelt just of late, up and down, and between fellas, mind you that girl sure goes through them. I'm not saying she's a slut, no far from it, but she's never short of male attention. There was one that wanted to marry her after just one chance meeting on a train, soon after him another odd blokey with eyebrows so finely plucked he thought he was a Calvin Klein model, yet with looks to match a SmithKlein model, who'd not long come out of prison. Then there was the request from a local purveyor of weekend pharmaceuticals and now there's a chap who wants to take her to Milan for the football! And all that pretty much since December!

David, the other one, from work is much the same as always, dividing his time between here and visiting his poorly mother in Wales oh and of course going to the odd show. He's still good fun and a right old giggle, even though sometimes he does take a little too much lubrication and stumbles and almost falls off the stool in Dr Brighton's! Makes me smile, no matter how bad I'm feeling tho, it's great to have a friend like that!

Ny from work got a lovely Valentines pressie from her hubby, the Boobster, of a new laptop! So now she has welcomed the 21st century and the wonder that is the World Wide Web into her home. So all day long she can now delight in the occupation that is YouTubing!

Carolyn, or Carolyn and Jo has has a big birthday and is now part of the 'Over the Hill' club, don't worry honey, I'll be joining you there soon. I'm joking of course, after all they say life begins then, don't they? I didn't manage to get the night off at work, due to the 'evil one' being off sick or taking a half night or something, which really pissed me off. But, I'm sure a good time was had by all.

Julius has been back around for a bit of hide the sausage, which was nice, Nye was great, such a passionate boy between the sheets, or over the top of them and in the lounge as the case was. I did contemplate getting back with the little student, but we have so little common ground to start from and he's so completely mad that I doubt we'd make it to the two week anniversary stage, so whats the point? However, he does make a stunning fuck buddy, a right rampant little devil, which when you're single and suffering a bit of a drought does wonders for the ego.

Mo has still been dating the odd fella she's met through FaceParty which is good for her, she loves playing that game and all credit to her, she's a game girl for 50 something! We've been clubbing again, to Honey Club, to the Hard South night on the first Friday of the month, which is so hard and so banging it could cause a deaf mute to complain about the noise! I love it, and with a little drinkie inside you, it's easy to loose yourself within the music and the lights and dance ya tits off on the podium, which is exactly what Mo and I seem to do all the time.

Talking of Hard South at the Honey Club kinda brings me on to the next update, the story of Will! I was outside having a ciggie (Nope still not quite given up yet) when this rather handsome 23 year old got chatting to me, he was bright and funny and only a little bit under the influence. Anyway he took some pictures for his face book profile and swapped email addresses, as one does these days. It used to be land line numbers, then mobile numbers and now it's email addys or social networking site profile names. Anyway, I'm digressing, we swapped contact details and well the long and the short of it, is that he;s come down to Brighton to see me a couple of times. It's not any great relationship I fear, I mean, he;s 23, he's an apprentice and too be blindingly frank he's kinda in the closet. Well actually, scratch that, he's not kinda in the closet, he's so far in there he's hanging around with that 70's shirt that's never coming back into fashion. He's sweet, and funny, as well as being a bit of a 'lad' and he brought flowers for a late Valentines present, which to be honest was a bit unexpected. However I must say I was tremendously flattered, oh come on, how often in real life does a 23 year old buy flowers for someone who can no longer claim to be mid thirties? Not very often, so when he came to my door clasping a bunch of brightly coloured blooms, I was touched, OK so they came from the local supermarket, but at my age, I'd have been happy with a bag of potting compost, it's been that long since someone bought me flowers!

I guess that kinda brings you up to date with the life down here near the seafront, well as much as possible anyway without sitting here and writing till my fingers are just worn out numbs of blood and bone! That's all the major newsworthy bits to refresh you and help you slip back in to the daily dose that is the life of the Sex & The Seafront which are the Seafront Diaries!!!